top of page

Hidden Firelighters Amongst Peacemakers: The Unseen Instigators in Our Midst

Life, they say, is a theater, and sometimes, the most interesting performances play out in our daily conversations and interactions. Imagine you're watching a drama unfold amongst friends or colleagues. Tensions rise, voices escalate, and then enters the peacemaker, advises everyone to "stop the drama". But what if, in a twist of irony, this peacemaker is the very instigator of the drama they seem to condemn?

The Subtle Art of Lighting Fires

These "firelighters" have mastered an art: the ability to sprinkle conversations with subtle provocations. It's akin to leaving breadcrumbs of discord. By steering conversations to touchy subjects, or throwing veiled jabs, they ensure the spotlight remains firmly on them. While their intent remains hidden, the drama ensures their relevance in the narrative.

Think about the person who casually brings up a contentious topic and then retreats, watching as others engage in heated debate. Or the friend who slips in a seemingly innocent comment, aware that it's a trigger for someone in the room. Their actions are never overtly malicious; rather, they're characterized by subtle nudges that set the stage aflame.

Why Do They Do It?

At the heart of their actions is a need for relevance and attention. In a world drowning in noise, it's easy to fade into the background. Keeping the conflict loop alive ensures these individuals always have a platform and an audience. Their interventions under the guise of peacemaking make them the go-to person, the mediator, the one "above" the pettiness. It's a clever ruse that often goes unnoticed.

Identifying the Hidden Firelighter

Because of their subtlety, these firelighters can be difficult to identify. But here are a few signs:

  1. They're Always Around Drama: While they claim to despise it, they're often found near the epicenter of any conflict or drama.

  2. Vague Comments: Their comments are often ambiguous, leaving room for interpretation and sparking debates.

  3. Playing Both Sides: They might agree with one person in private, only to echo a different sentiment in a group.

Navigating the Flames

If you suspect you're dealing with a hidden firelighter, the key is not to fan the flames. Avoid getting entangled in the provocations. Remember, their power lies in stirring emotions and reactions. By staying calm and measured, you deny them the drama they seek.


Life's theater is filled with a myriad of characters, and the hidden firelighter is but one of them. While their antics can be disruptive, recognizing their tactics can help us navigate our interactions with grace and poise. After all, every story needs its twists and turns, but we get to decide how we respond to them.

59 views0 comments


bottom of page