top of page

The Pretentious Dance of Not Wanting to Know



We've all seen it, if not partaken in it ourselves — the dance of pretending not to care, not to want, not to know. It’s a dance that we sometimes do with ourselves or with others around us. At first glance, it seems counterintuitive. Why would someone say they don't want to know more when deep down they're burning with curiosity? This is what I'd like to call the "pretentious dance". Let’s dive deep and waltz through the nuances of this human paradox.


The Nuances: Why We Pretend

  1. Fear of Vulnerability: To admit we want to know more is to admit we don't know everything. This can make us feel vulnerable. In a world that often rewards knowledge and expertise, it's challenging to confess our gaps or our desires to learn.

  2. Protection Mechanism: Sometimes, not wanting to know serves as a defense mechanism. It shields us from potential hurt or from truths that might shake our world.

  3. Cultural or Social Conditioning: In many societies, showing overt interest or curiosity might be seen as rude or intrusive. So, out of politeness or societal expectations, we suppress our natural instincts.

Recognizing the Dance

Here are some signs:

  1. The Eyes Don't Lie: Watch their eyes. Eyes often dart to the subject of interest or become more alert even if the words suggest disinterest.

  2. Body Language Shifts: Subtle body cues like leaning in, or fidgeting can indicate an internal conflict between the expressed disinterest and genuine curiosity.

  3. Overemphasis on Disinterest: If someone repeatedly stresses how little they care about a particular subject, it might be a sign they care deeply but are trying to convince themselves otherwise.

How to Deal with It

  1. Practice Compassion: Understand that the dance is often rooted in vulnerability. Approach such situations with kindness and patience.

  2. Encourage Openness: If someone is hesitant to express their curiosity, you can open the door for them. Share something you've recently learned or express your own uncertainties.

  3. Respect Boundaries: Sometimes, people genuinely don't want to know, perhaps to protect their mental and emotional well-being. If someone firmly resists, respect that boundary.

Conclusion: Embracing the Chaos

While it might seem chaotic to want something and pretend otherwise, this is just one of the many contradictions that make us human. Life is full of these small chaoses. Instead of shunning them, let’s embrace them. After all, it’s in the dance of chaos that we often find the most genuine human connections and understanding. And if you ever find yourself in the midst of this dance, remember: it's okay to be a work in progress. It's okay to want to know.

35 views0 comments

Comments


bottom of page